One question to which teenagers want an answer but don't know who to ask is: When am I ready to have sex? How will I know that I am ready? Parents and teachers spend lots of time telling teenagers not to have sex; sometimes, they back this message with sound reasoning. They also might tell teens how to protect themselves against pregnancy and sexually-transmitted infections. But what needs to be considered when deciding whether or not to be sexually active? A lot.

First, teenagers are not the only ones who must consider this. We make decisions about sex through our lifespan. Being sexually active and being in an ongoing sexual relationship represent decisions with consequences, not to be taken lightly.

You need to consider:
* Your personal values and goals;
* How you feel about taking physical and emotional risks;
* Whether you feel pressured by your partner, peers, or perceptions about what others are doing;
* How clearly you can communicate with your partner what you want and do not want;
* What you want and expect from the relationship.

Considering your own values and goals is important because all of us are bombarded with conflicting and confusing messages about sex. In analyzing your values and goals, think about the messages that you have received from your family regarding sex, your religious, moral, and spiritual views about sex, your feelings about committed relationships and sex, and how sexual activity and its possible consequences might affect your future.

Sexual activity exposes you to physical and emotional risks. The physical risks are fairly straightforward: unintended pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections. The emotional risks are harder to predict and prepare for. Will having sex change how I feel about myself and my partner? Do my partner and I share the same level of commitment? What happens if and/or when our relationship ends? Will having sex change my relationship with my family and friends?

Sometimes teens feel strong or subtle pressure to have sex. Many sexually active teens wish they had waited. Some unwise reasons to have sex include: thinking that you are the last virgin; fearing that you will lose your boyfriend or girlfriend; believing that being sexually active will increase your popularity and maturity; and wanting to disobey your parents.
Clear and direct communication is an important element of a healthy relationship, difficult to achieve even if you are an adult! You need to tell your partner what you want and do not want, instead of simply letting sex happen. Being ready to have sex means that you feel comfortable saying "no" to your partner, discussing methods of preventing pregnancy and infections, and not using alcohol or drugs to ease communication or sexual activity.

The nature of your relationship should also be considered. Is your relationship mutually trusting, honest, and respectful? Do you share values and goals? Are you both willing to accept responsibility for the potential consequences of your actions? Do you both want to be sexually active?


In summary, these are guidelines for sex partners from Planned Parenthood

• Have each other's consent.
• Never use pressure to get consent from your partner.
• Be honest with each other.
• Treat each other as equals.
• Be attentive to each other's comfort and pleasure.
• Protect each other from physical and emotional harm.
• Protect each other against consequences like pregnancy and STIs.
• Be clear about you want and don't want to do.
• Respect each other's limits.
• Accept responsibility for your actions.




Community Coordinator for Teen Pregnancy/Sexually Transmitted Disease Prevention

Mary Sullivan
Teen Health Center
UVa Health System
1400 West Main Street
Charlottesville, VA 22903
434-982-0090
masullivan58@earthlink.net

Please contact Mary Sullivan to be placed on the Teen Pregnancy and STD Prevention Network Report mailing list or to publicize a related event. She can also direct you to educational and awareness-raising materials and local information and events. Teen helpcards (with local information) are available for teens, parents, schools, churches, community agencies, and businesses.